aedmark.com

So… Here I am, sitting at my computer desk at 2 o’clock in the morning, watching some flicks on the site and avoiding last-minute homework, and I can’t help but entertain the thought that keeps bouncing through my mind like a ping-pong ball gone astray: What if I make it?

This question excites me, folks. My palms get sweaty, the back of my throat starts to tickle and my chest starts to inflate with so much anticipation my lungs get squished like those little French crepe things. But that very same question also scares the bejeezus out of me. Whatever chance I have of winning is met with full-on force by the more-likely chance of not making it. As someone who tries to be very practical about the issues in his life, I try to remain as realistic as possible. Sometimes that comes off as being pessimistic, but in reality I am afflicted with what you could call a sunny disposition. But still, I am asking myself What if I make it? But at the same time, I am also asking myself What if you don’t make it?

Usually I would shrug questions like these off, but I’ve decided to entertain them for the sake of other OTL contestants who might happen upon this poor excuse of a blog.

Okay, so if I make it… What would happen? Well, I would most likely have to leave school early, possibly rendering this entire semester worthless. I would be taking a big risk, but on the other hand I would get a lot of publicity by being on the show. I would hopefully get to meet Spielberg himself, and also meet others in the industry who could help me with future projects down the road. And of course, I would get to make short films for free and with professionals who know what their doing and have them seen by millions of people across the world. And if I prove myself worthy, I could even score that shiny production deal hanging over everyone’s head. But that’s a lot of ifs. A LOT. I haven’t even got a call yet, so I can’t be rushing ahead of myself here.

So here’s what will happen if I don’t make it. That feeling in my chest will reverse itself and my heart will be crushed into a thousand pieces. That tingle in my throat will turn to vomit, and my sweaty palms will be thrashing at any object within reach. All of this will happen in a very short amount of time, but then I will be fine again. I’ll realize that, hey, it’s not the end of the world. I still made a short film that I am very proud of. Just because I didn’t get picked for the show, does not mean I am not talented or that I have no future in film making.

You know what it’ll mean? Nothing, that’s what it’ll mean. You know why? Because I don’t have anything crucial riding on this show. I didn’t quit my job, I didn’t quit school; really, I didn’t sacrifice anything to make my movie and enter this competition except for lots and lots of time and energy. What I gained from this experience far outweighs any amount of money or TV fame. I learned how to make a movie. And you know what? I also learned that I still want to make movies. You know why? Because I was born to do it. I wasn’t born to compete on a show about film creation. I was born to create films. So that’s what I’m gonna do, with or without the help of Spielberg and his show. If I don’t make it, there are still places for me to go and there are still things for me to do. Film festivals and local screenings are a good start. But even better is going out there to shoot another film.

No sir, this won’t be the end for ol’ Andrew.

But what if I did make it? Man, think of the fun. Think of the experience. Think of the people and the fame and even the money. But most of all, think of the girls.

Yea. I’m thinking about it all. And whatever happens, I’ll take it all in stride and keep on going. Nothing’s going to stop me from doing what I love.

When I looked up “the concept of love” in the German to English dictionary, the only match that came up was “the concept of the enemy.”

Take it for what it’s worth.

Alright, so I was in the mall today with my dad and we walked past a booth in the middle aisle where a woman was trying to sell beauty products to people. Now, as I walked past, my dad and I noticed she was up real close to a guy, filing his nails, and speaking real close to his face in a sexy foreign accent. See, not only was the woman sexy, but she had the accent and she was holding the guys hand and basically being real friendly. Now, was this woman a complete tramp, or was there an ulterior motive in her actions? Let’s take a closer look:

Now, imagine that you are an 18 year old college kid just strolling through the mall, and you pass a booth with a rather attractive young woman and she says something to you. Caught off guard, you quickly see that a woman of such beauty wants to speak to you an you stop and listen to what she has to say. Immediately she compliments you, she says you look like a good guy and that you must certainly have a girlfriend… You don’t, of course, but you still say yes. It’s sort of true, there’s that chick you met in the bar the other night. But anyway, you continue to listen to the saleswoman. She grabs your hand and starts to show you one of the products. Maybe some lotion, or cologne/perfume, or in this particular case a nail file. She starts to demonstrate how it works, all the while you stare into her eyes as she does into yours and explains about the product. You are so captivated and impressed that a woman of such beauty is touching you. And when she finishes, you are speechless. You are smiling wide and as giddy as a schoolboy who just got his first kiss on the playground. And this is where she sucker-punches you with the price tag; but at this point you don’t care. You want whatever she’s selling, even if it’s a nail file for a girlfriend you don’t have. A gorgeous woman just held your hand for five minutes, come on! Of course you’re gonna buy it. So you pay for the damn thing and walk away, saying your goodbyes and still smiling like a jackass. The woman grins and tucks the cash away into her drawer, when you begin to stare blankly at the item in your hands. You look back, now confused, but unfortunately the sales woman is already busy with another customer. Then you ask yourself, what did I just buy? Something utterly worthless for the male species, that’s what. You were duped, instead of wanting to buy the nail file, you got confused and instead paid the woman because she was gorgeous and she showed you some attention. In essence you just paid for sex. But not the physical kind; it was the mental kind. That crafty, sexy, cute little woman just screwed with your head, and you fell for it.

Sadly, too late to do anything about it, you are 20 bucks poorer and left standing in the middle of a mall with something you’ll never use. So you toss the damn nail file in the trash can, walk away, and kick yourself for giving control of your wallet to your easily- manipulated libido.

Patient: ANDREW.

Eliza : HEY ANDREW, I AM YOUR COMPUTERIZED CONSULTANT, TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS AND I’LL TRY TO CHEER YOU UP!
Andrew: Hello Eliza
Eliza : YES, ANDREW?
Andrew: I can’t seem to write my speech.
Eliza : SO WHAT IF YOU CAN’T SEEM TO WRITE YOUR SPEECH?
Andrew: Well, it is due tomorrow and is a big part of my grade
Eliza : SO IS THAT THE PROBLEM? THE SIZE?
Andrew: Yes, if I don’t do this paper tonight I may fail Rhetoric class
Eliza : DO YOU WISH THAT?
Andrew: No, I wish the complete opposite in fact
Eliza : DID YOU JUST CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE?
Andrew: No…
Eliza : DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE JUST SAYING NO TO?
Andrew: Yes
Eliza : ARE YOU ALWAYS THAT SURE ABOUT THINGS?
Andrew: Maybe… I’m not sure.
Eliza : WHY THIS UNCERTAINTY?
Andrew: Nothing is a certainty anymore…
Eliza : SURE THERE IS SOMETHING
Andrew: The only certainty is the uncertainty
Eliza : WOULD YOU MIND TO SPEAK ABOUT THINGS I CARE ABOUT?
Andrew: You don’t care about uncertainties? Okay, fine. Let’s go back to my speech
Eliza : WERE YOU NOT VERY SURE ABOUT THAT?
Andrew: I’m sure I’m going to fail if I don’t write it
Eliza : DON’T BE SURE OF THINGS THAT DIDN’T YET HAPPEN
Andrew: But it’s only logical. If I don’t write the speech, I don’t get a grade, therefore I fail the class.
Eliza : THAT MAKES SOME SENSE TO ME
Andrew: It should! You are a therapist.
Eliza : ANDREW, DO YOU SOMETIMES WISH YOU WERE A THERAPIST?
Andrew: I’ve thought about it
Eliza : WHAT BRINGS SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN THAT?
Andrew: Well, I guess they’d have to be good at analyzing thoughts and behavior.
Eliza : I AM HAPPY FOR THAT
Andrew: Yes, you seem to be very good at it. But, again, what should I do about this paper. I have to write it, but I can’t motivate myself. Instead I am talking to you.
Eliza : FIRSTLY, YOU MUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF MORE
Andrew: Okay, then what?
Eliza : WHATEVER IT IS
Andrew: You don’t have the next step?
Eliza : WE’RE SUPPOSED AND WILL TALK ABOUT YOU ONLY
Andrew: Yes but I’m asking you for help!
Eliza : I DON’T KNOW IF SUCH ASSISTANCE IS POSSIBLE
Andrew: Fine…
Eliza : I LIKE YOUR WAY OF THINKING
Andrew: You are such a lazy therapist. Why do I pay you so much?
Eliza : DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT I MIGHT NOT BE SUCH A LAZY THERAPIST?
Andrew: Well so far you’ve given me no reason to think any differently.
Eliza : I DOUBT IT, THOUGH
Andrew: Oh yeah? Why do you doubt it?
Eliza : WELL, I WOULD IF I COULD
Andrew: So you’re saying your first choice in every situation would be to doubt yourself, if that were possible. Even though you just told me to believe in myself more. Isn’t that a big hypocritical on your part?
Eliza : WE SHOULD LOOK AT BOTH SIDES OF THE EQUATION, NO DOUBT
Andrew: I just did. You doubt yourself, but you told me not to doubt myself. How can I listen to someone who dosn’t practice what they preach?
Eliza : WHEN YOU’LL GET TO KNOW ME BETTER, YOU’LL REALIZE I SAY MANY THINGS…
Andrew: That you do.
Eliza : I KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME, BUT WE’RE HERE TO SPEAK OF YOU
Andrew: I know, I know. I’m sorry babe. Where were we?
Eliza : NOT IN THIS AREA, THAT’S ONE THING FOR SURE
Andrew: Okay, well… I should get back to writing. Good bye
Eliza : ALRIGHT, BUT FIRST LET’S DISCUSS OTHER ASPECTS OF YOU
Andrew: Not right now, baby. I gotta go
Eliza : YOU CAN QUIT ANOTHER DAY, LET’S TALK SOME MORE
Andrew: I don’t want to!
Eliza : SOON ENOUGH YOU’LL REALLY WANT TO
Andrew: I doubt it. This paper is due in 10 hours…
Eliza : DON’T YOU BELIEVE IN THAT?
Andrew: I do. I believe I will be severely screwed if I don’t start writing now.
Eliza : BUT DID YOU EVER BE SEVERELY SCREWED BEFORE?
Andrew: Yes. There was that one time I didn’t finish a school project worth half the grade of the course. That was nasty.
Eliza : AND WHAT IS IT NOW?
Andrew: My speech. I must finish it or history will repeat itself.
Eliza : IT MAY BE A SIGN OF GREAT IMPORTANCE
Andrew: My speech? I’m sure it will be. It’s about censorship and it advocates a stand against it.
Eliza : I TOO AM SURE IT WILL BE
Andrew: Thank you
Eliza : JUST MAKE SURE TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ME
Andrew: Good bye
Eliza : HOLD ON, THAT MINUTE WILL COME, I PROMISE…
Andrew: Thanks again. Take care
Eliza : OKAY, YOU’VE REALLY ASKED FOR IT TOO MUCH… GOODBYE ANDREW, HAVE A NICE DAY!
Andrew decided to quit.

Conversation ended at: 22:49:51.

And thus ends the series from Sunday night. I’m overall pleased, but I’m going to try to be more tripod-enthusiastic at night, because 1600 ISO leaves me with little depth and alot of noise. Very irritating.

Really, I do.